Tuesday, February 23, 2010 (Day 31)

Oh boy, what a day yesterday was!  Work was awful.  Not awful, but way too busy to be good.  I think it all just broke yesterday because I’m having PMS.  I’ve been working non-stop 9-12 hour days for the last 2 weeks.  I haven’t taken a lunch.  I haven’t taken a break.  I’ve been holding my bladder for way longer than I ever should.  Now I’m pretty sure I have a urinary tract infection, or am getting close.  I’m going to start bleeding in a couple days.  I’m exhausted.  I didn’t even have time to go to the office fridge and get my Slim-Fast so I ended up eating my Fiber One bar for lunch.  I got home exhausted, stressed, angry, starving.  Oh yeah, I will also mention that I have been working my ass off and yesterday one of the half-dozen attorneys that I’m trying to do work for at the moment, got testy with me about not having started his crap.  I told him Friday evening that I had time to help him.  Something more important came up and I had to do it all day yesterday.  So there was that.  Plus my pee hurting.  Then I had to stay 30 minutes late at work, so when I went for the train/bus I ended up waiting out in the cold for 30 minutes for the train and another 30 for the bus.  I was freezing and angry and tired, and exhausted, and blah, blah, blah.  I bought the kids Happy Meals for dinner since it was 8:00 at night and I didn’t feel like cooking.  I got home and ate Frosted Mini Wheats.  Good for me, right?  But then I was still stressed and angry and exhausted, etc.  So I got out the Pub Mix from Sunday.  YUM!  I ate as much as I possibly could.  Then I noticed Cayden had eaten the hamburger but left his bun.  So I ate his bun.  Hey, I didn’t have a hamburger to eat, but maybe a bun with ketchup and mustard would make me happy.  No.  It wasn’t good, but I ate it anyway.  I would have eaten sweets if there were any in the house.  I wanted a piece of cake or brownie or SOMETHING.  But we had nothing.  I had a piece of licorice, which I don’t like, so it REALLY wasn’t satisfying.  Then I felt guilty.  Now my stomach hurts.  Whatever.  Work is going a little better.  I got an unbelievable amount of work done this morning and am finally caught up.  At least everything is in someone else’s court for the time being.  

Oh, and I woke up sick this morning.  I woke up at 5:00 to exercise.  My throat was killing me and my nose and head are so stuffed up!  I decided with how work is going and how I’m feeling, I was better off with sleep.  I want to binge on something more today, but I’m trying not to.  I’m trying to convince myself that all is not lost and I can still salvage this week’s hope for weight loss even though I binged 2 days already.  I think I’m going to take a nap and then drink my Slim-Fast.  Let’s hope I do okay when I get home from work tonight!

Monday, February 22, 2010 (Day 30)

One month of dieting and exercising down.  In that month I’ve binged twice and not exercised once.  Binge one was on the Super Bowl and Ray and Cayden’s birthday.  I think acceptable.  Binge two was yesterday.  Not nearly like the first one.  I got home from church.  First, I should mention that I had been craving chips and salsa the night before, or maybe it was Friday.  I didn’t cave.  I did good.  I got home from church.  I was hungry.  Ray was eating chips and salsa.  I threw up my hands and went for it.  I ate as much as I wanted.  I’ve also been wanting to eat the pub mix we have in our pantry from the super bowl/birthday party.  I got it out and ate as much as I wanted.  I looked at the calories after I was done and realized it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought.  130 calories in ½ cup.  I wasn’t measuring of course, but there’s no way I ate more than 2 cups.  I would have been okay had I forgone the chips.  Well, I paid for it.  I took a short nap and I woke up sick to my stomach.  The rest of the day and evening I felt like total crap.  I felt nauseated and bloated and I wanted to throw up.  I took some Pepto before bed and I pooped 4 times this morning before I left for work.  Awful.  Serves me right though!  I’ll probably do it again, but whatever.  On a happy note is that when  I weighed in yesterday, I am at 208.  I think I’m really at 207 because that’s what I was a couple days before, but I was bloated yesterday even before my chips and mix binge.  I think it was from the frozen burritos Friday.  I was within my calories with them, but they probably have a lot of sodium.  But, we’ll still say 208.  And that is the number I had for next Sunday’s goal.  So I’m ahead of schedule.  Wahoo!  Ray broke my water bottle because somehow it slid under his recliner and when he went to close it, it gauged a hole in my bottle.  So I’m drinking from a regular plastic cup today.  I hope I can keep it full enough to drink as much as I should. 

Thursday, February 18, 2010 (Day 26)

I didn’t exercise yesterday morning.  I fell asleep on the couch the night before and didn’t get in bed until midnight.  With how work’s been going, I decided I needed sleep more than exercise.  So when I got home last night I exercised on the treadmill.  I typically walk for an hour at 3.2.  I walked for an hour, but about 40 minutes of it was at 3.3.  It seemed okay.  I think that will be my new speed.  I didn’t want to eat the chicken helper Ray made because he cooked the chicken in a lot of butter.  Then the helper was made with butter and whole milk.  No thanks.  So I ate frosted mini wheats for dinner.  I broke down and weighed myself this morning.  I’m at 207.  Yes, 207!  I was planning to be at 209 by this coming Sunday, so I’m way ahead of track.  One of these days I’m going to give myself a day off and remind my body I’m not starving.  But it feels good to be losing weight.  Again, I didn’t exercise this morning.  My body is a little sore from last night, and I was really tired.  I also used the 3 pound weights last night on the treadmill.  So I guess I’ll be exercising again this evening.  Hopefully Survivor is on so it will go faster.  I’m sick of the Olympics and how they’re cancelling my shows.  It’s hard to be on the treadmill for an hour when nothing is on.

 

Wednesday, February 17, 2010 (Day 25)

I’ve been crazy busy, and haven’t been able to post an update.  In fact, I shouldn’t be now, but I’m way too excited today!  I weighed in on Sunday and I’m at 211.  I’m happy with that.  After all, 2 pounds per week is my goal, and that’s right on.  Although I was secretly hoping for more.  I did good on Valentine’s Day.  I avoided eating the heart shaped pancakes for breakfast.  I didn’t eat any chocolate or other V-Day candy.  We were planning to take the kids to the park and have a healthy picnic of Subway on Monday for Cayden’s birthday, but it was raining (stupid weather man).  So we ended up at the indoor playground at McDonalds instead.  I took my Slim-Fast and drank it while Ray ate his Mac Snack Wraps and the kids ate their cheeseburgers and fries.  I wasn’t tempted, believe it or not.  I am certainly getting divine intervention this time because it’s not even willpower, it’s that I don’t even really want junk.  I didn’t eat any of Cayden’s birthday cake.  I’m feeling really good about things.

So, now, for the exciting part!  I put on my wedding ring this morning and it FITS!  I can’t even count how many months I’ve been without it.  Yes, it’s tight, but I can get it on and off without worrying that it will be stuck.  So I’m wearing it today.  YAY!!!  Suck that Inge!

Friday, February 12, 2010 (Day 20)

I feel like crap.  I feel fat and ugly.  THIS is the reason I’d decided not to weigh myself more than once per month.  But could I follow through with it?  No.  I’m an idiot.  I was starving last night.  I ate a Fiber One bar before leaving work.  Then I ate some beef jerky I had in the car on the way home.  Then I got home and ate leftover pork for dinner.  When Cayden’s tater tots were done, I ate a ton of them with ketchup.  I did manage to avoid the fry sauce.  But still!!!  I was thinking it’s okay, I’m been low on calories for days and that’s not right.  I couldn’t have eaten more than 1600 calories yesterday (probably more around 1400).  I woke up this morning, but instead of exercising I searched for a picture of Ray and me to put on Facebook for Valentine’s Day.  Didn’t find a picture.  Didn’t exercise.  Didn’t sleep.  Didn’t clean.  Pointless.  Then I weighed myself this morning.  Maybe I was expecting to have lost weight this week and I thought it would make me feel better about not exercising or eating all those tater tots.  Did it?  Hell no!  I weight 214 today.  What?  I gained another pound this week?  Is it still going up from Sunday?  Did tater tots really make me that much heavier?  Was it the salt on the tater tots making me bloat?  I know I ate so much that I felt sick last night.  And sick at my stomach this morning too.  Live and learn, I guess.  So now I’m going to be bummed all day.  I’ve been dreading exercising because I have a pinched nerve or something in my leg.  It’s right where my left leg and stomach come together (the crease where you bend your leg, by your thigh).  It’s in the very front.  It hurts to walk.  I don’t know what to do about it.  I’ve been exercising despite that though, so that doesn’t explain the weight gain.  Besides the food last night, and Sunday, I’ve been really low on my calorie intake.  I don’t get it.  Whatever.  I’ll go back to weighing each Sunday and see how that goes.  If I don’t lose each week with that, I’ll go to weighing once a month (if I can).  Blah.

 

Wednesday, February 10, 2010 (Day 18)

I fell asleep on the couch last night.  As you may realize, the couch doesn’t have an alarm like my bedroom.  I woke up at 5:55 (instead of 5:00).  I thought about skipping my exercising, but didn’t want to.  So I worked out for 35 minutes.  That’s better than zero, but not as good as my hour.  I used the 3 pound hand weights to make it a little better.  My shins were killing me so I rotated between 3.2 and 3 mph.  I weighed myself this morning (I have been worrying about the weight I put on Sunday from all that food).  I weight 212.  So I’m totally back on track regardless of all the crap I ate Sunday.  Heck, maybe I’ll allow myself a free day once per week.  Probably not, but maybe.  Maybe once or twice a month.  Feeling good but I’m really tired.  The house is a pig sty because we got DirecTV this week, plus Ray got his PS3, there are boxes everywhere and the stuff hooked to the TV is all over the place.  Oh, and Ray got Rock Band, so the instruments are everywhere.  It’s been making me crazy but I haven’t had time to clean up.  Maybe tonight. 

Stupid Chinese Food!

I just overheard a couple of the attorneys talking.  They just got back from the food court and went to the Chinese food place, Chan Chun.  Apparently, if you go after 3:00 they load you up for $3.99.  They got fried rice, chow mein, and like 6 different entrees and they threw in free egg rolls.  Sheesh.  Now I’m craving Chinese SOOO bad!  It isn’t bad enough that I love Chinese food.  It makes it so much worse that I love a bargain and I love getting a lot of food for little money.  Stupid diet.  I’m not going to go, I’m not going to go, I’m not going to go.  And it probably doesn’t help that I’m bored out of my mind and have been sitting here doing nothing for 2 hours.