A couple months ago I made a list of UCC’s that were not filed in a transaction. I went over the list with the attorney. She specifically told me NOT to prepare UCC’s for 2 of the entities. She gave me a reason but I didn’t understand it. I thought all collateral that wasn’t real estate or vehicles needed a UCC. I confirmed a second time with her that we were not doing UCC’s for the 2 entities because it didn’t make sense to me. Now, 2 months later, the bank wants to know why we didn’t file UCC’s for these entities. I’m certain the attorney said because they signed security agreements. Like I said, it didn’t make sense, but I do what I’m told. I don’t know why I didn’t make a note or something. Now the attorney doesn’t remember this conversation. She huffed, “Any collateral besides real property needs a UCC filed.” Whatever idiot. So I’m just really frustrated that now I look like the idiot and it’s really her. I don’t know what she was thinking, but now it’s my fault. Now, it’s not a big deal at all. Nothing wrong has happened or is going to happen because the UCC’s weren’t filed earlier. But I still don’t like the feeling of knowing I’m right and someone not understanding what I’m saying. She doesn’t understand, or want to hear, that she told me not to file them. So now I’m dissatisfied with my lunch (Subway) and I want to snack on something. I figured I was an emotional eater and this proves it. Frustrated and a little angry. Check.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Frustrated - Want to Eat
Wednesday, January 27, 2010 (Day 4)
Day 4 of my journey and I started feeling the enormity of it last night. I was sitting on the bus, eating my carrots and still starving to death, thinking about the daunting task ahead of me. I guess that’s why they say to make smaller, short-term goals. I tried to get my mind of the 90 pound number and instead tried to think about the smaller numbers. Even 50 pounds by August was daunting. So I started thinking of 2 pounds per week. That helped a little. I figure I’m going to lose a lot more than 2 pounds this first week. At least 5. That will leave me with only 85 pounds to lose. Only. I didn’t have time to good a good healthy dinner last night because I had visiting teachers after work. I ended up making the kids mac and cheese. I tried eating a can of soup, but the extra mac (even though I only made 1 box) was too hard to resist! I stood at the stove and ate everything that was left in the pan (I’m guessing about a serving and a half – a good 800 calories). Whatever. Sure I feel guilty. Sure I said I wasn’t going to worry if I slip. But I lied. Actually, I’m sort of being okay on myself. I figure it’s probably good that I ate it so my body is surprised again and doesn’t think I’m starving. I’ve probably been cutting back a little bit too far. Yesterday is gone.
Now, on a happier note, I realize that my “fat ring” is getting a little loose and twisting on my finger. I can’t remember how much I weighed when I outgrew my wedding ring and had to buy this stupid 9 dollar ring. I am excited to get to the point where I can put my real wedding ring on again! That is going to be so wonderful finally! I about lost the fight with the scale again this morning. Perhaps I should put it up at the top of the closet or something so I don’t see it every morning. I was inches away from standing on it when I convinced myself not to. I just have to hold off until Sunday. Then it’s 4 weeks until the next weigh-in. That’s tough! But I know it’s the right thing to do! Heaven help me!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Goals
Apparently I’m supposed to set specific goals. Short and long term. I’ve always known this, but like the whole weight-loss journal, never did it. This time I’ll give it a try. Of course I’ve always made long-term goals: lose such and such amount of weight. Turns out that’s not good enough. So, here are my goals:
Daily Goal: Exercise 1 hour each day.
Monthly Goal: Lose 8 pounds each month. (I will weigh myself every four weeks – when I take the first pill in my birth control pack. I just decided that differences in weight can be attributed to the time of the month. I’m proud of coming up with this idea!)
Semi-Annual Goal: Lose 50 pounds by my 31st birthday.
Yearly Goal: Lose 90 pounds by Christmas 2010.
So far I’ve met my daily goal 3 times already this week and am well on my way to reaching my monthly goal. Wahoo!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010 (Day 3)
I feel great again this morning. I fit a little better into the shirt I’m wearing today. I know it is because of the fiber I’ve been eating the last few days and I’m not bloated anymore like I used to be all the time. I actually found myself easily walking 3 mph this morning (whereas, the last couple days I had to actually lower it to 2.8 for a couple minutes a couple times during the hour). This morning I didn’t go below 3 until cool-down, and I actually increased it to 3.2 a few times during the hour. Just as soon as my shins started hurting I went back to 3 though. I’m not making the mistake of going too hard right off the bat this time! Everyone says to listen to your body (during exercise and also if you’re hungry or full, etc.), so that’s what I’m trying to do. I almost stepped on the scale this morning (out of habit) but I caught myself and was determined not to! I’m sure I’ve lost a few pounds, but I don’t want that bad habit back of getting on the scale every morning. Because sure as the sun rises, one of these days or weeks I will have lost nothing and it’s all over at that point. I can’t wait to look good!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Simple Math
One pound is equal to 3500 calories.
Healthy weight loss is up to 2 pounds per week.
To lose 2 pounds per week (my goal) I’ll need to exercise off 1000 calories per day, eat 1000 calories less per day, or a combination of both.
My hour of walking in the mornings burns about 300 calories (according to my treadmill).
I need to cut my food intake by 700 calories per day.
Monday, January 25, 2010 (Day 2)
Still having a rush from working out this morning. Maybe dampened a little by my soreness. I’m not too incredibly sore because I’m trying to take it easier than I typically would my first week of working out. The rolls of fat on my back are sore. Weird, I know. And the roll of fat on the side of my butt cheeks are sore. My usual problem is shin splints, so I’m happy to report none of that! I realized today that a huge part of my motivation is coming from wanting to show the beast Inge that I’m better than her. I’m pretty sure her problem with me stems from jealousy. I’m 10 years younger and I’m the one married with two kids. I’m the paralegal making more money and she’s the secretary. She drives me nuts with her tight spandex shirts and rolls bulging out everywhere. I find it funny that she didn’t befriend me when I worked at CNM before – when I was thin. It wasn’t until I gained a lot of weight that she started talking to me. I’m going to be thin and smokin’ hot, and that’s going to eat her alive! I can’t wait! I can’t wait to look like I did before. I loved my clothes. I can cut my hair short and sexy when I’m thin. I can’t wait to have the energy, motivation and stamina to play with the kids. I don’t like to struggle trying to step up into the bus. I want to buy lingere. I’ve never put on a sexy lingere or even a silky nightgown. It’s going to be red. I’m not going to wear anything with a tag marked with one or more X’s. 14…12…10…any of those, amazing! Did I mention I’ll be 175 by my 31st birthday, in August? And I’m going to be thrilled to be in pictures.
Sunday, January 24, 2010 (Day 1)
I’m not sure what I want to write. I was very pumped up this morning about my desire to diet and exercise. I thought that I should write things down when I feel so motivated. That way, when I’m not feeling motivated I can read my motivational thoughts. I’m 225 pounds. I’m fat. I’m okay with it. But this past week I’ve noticed my diabetic symptoms have returned. Getting up multiple times in the night to pee. That feeling of being hungry, no – starving, about 15 minutes after eating a meal. Excessive thirst. I guess that’s what got me to the motivation I feel now. I’m not going to focus on weight loss. I’m not going to focus on the scale. In fact, I don’t think I’ll even step foot on it. At least not until I’m out of the XXL clothes. None of the usual daily weigh-ins. So I got up an hour early this morning and speed walked on the treadmill. I say “speed walk” because to me it seems fast. It was only 3 mph. I understand the average person walks at 4 mph. That’s crap. I don’t know if it’s my short legs or what, but I RUN 4 mph. Anyway, I wasn’t even worried about the speed. I put it at a pace that was a little difficult, but one that I could keep doing for an hour. I sweat. I feel so awesome! Why is it that an hour on the treadmill can be so empowering? I feel 20 pounds lighter than a few hours ago. I feel strong. I feel happy. There is about 6 months until my 31st birthday. I can be not-obese by then. Okay, I lied, maybe I will focus on weight loss. I don’t want to, but who am I kidding? I want to be happy with just getting up each day and spending an hour on the treadmill. I want any healthy eating to be a bonus. I always tend to go to the extreme and then quit. Go anorexic, look amazing, but when I crack, I crack crazy hard and go extreme the other direction. Hence 225 pounds. I want a middle ground. How do I find it? Who knows? Maybe this time. I won’t feel defeat if I eat. I walked this morning, and I feel awesome. Even if I stumble (i.e. – eat junk food now and then), I’m still on the right track. I’m still doing better than if I hadn’t started the process at all. Don’t take it so seriously, Marcy!