Tuesday, April 27, 2010 (Day 94)

I feel better and worse today.  I was very frustrated yesterday because of my lack of weight loss showing on the scale.  I was feeling sick to my stomach and had sulfur burps.  Well, the sick to my stomach and burps turned into stomach cramps and severe diarrhea.  I woke up every 45 minutes all night long.  On a good note, I’m down to 183.  I have been drinking a ton of water to keep from getting dehydrated.  But I’m pretty sure I’m not far from having everything cleared out of my colon.  I’m certainly no longer bloated.  So, I feel better because the scale is looking good.  I feel worse because physically I feel worse.  I wanted to avoid eating protein yesterday, so I ate white rice and a little gravy for dinner.  It was within my calories and it actually really hit the spot.  I did over an hour of Gilad last night.  And I managed to wake up and do the treadmill this morning.  I did it only because I promised Cayden I would so I won’t have to do it when I get home from work tonight.  I feel good that it’s over with.  I only got 45 minutes of actual walking in though because about 20 minutes was spent in the bathroom during my workout (about 4 separate times).  I’m okay with 45 minutes though.  With how I’m feeling, my body’s lucky I gave it any exercise.  The Doctors television show said last week that if you have diarrhea, your body is obviously trying to get rid of something and you shouldn’t take anti-diarrhea medicine, you should just let it all come out.  Well, I did that all last night.  This morning, however, I have to get some work done.  I drank some Pepto Bismol.  Still trying to keep a lot of water in me.  Tomorrow morning I’m going to do The Biggest Loser workout again.  I got another compliment this morning.  Someone at work asked me how much I’ve lost.  I told her 42 pounds.  She said that when I walked by she “was like ‘WOAH!’” because my neck area, you can really tell.  Yah!  No more triple chin! 

 

Monday, April 26, 2010 (Day 93)

I’m feeling very sick and awful this morning.  I did good on my diet all weekend.  I had Slim Fast for breakfast and lunch Sunday.  I had some peas Sunday afternoon to hold me off until dinner.  Then I had 4 oz of chicken in low sodium and low fat cream of mushroom soup, with a little bit of noodles with soup on top.  Well, later that evening, I was bored.  Bored and unsatisfied.  I wanted gummy bears.  We didn’t have any.  I wanted chocolate.  We didn’t have any.  Ray had been eating peanuts earlier in the day and they were sitting there in the living room.  I went over to have a couple.  I ended up eating them for about 30 minutes (they were in the shells).  I probably had 2 cups (with shells on) total (a serving is ½ cup).  I was sick of peanuts, but I still wasn’t satisfied.  I went into the pantry and found vanilla cream sandwich cookies.  So I ate a ton of those (probably 15).  Still wasn’t satisfied.  So I ate Tootsie Rolls (about 10 of the small ones).  I was sick to my stomach last night.  Not only that, but after eating all that crap, I couldn’t get myself to exercise.  Then I went to bed late (like I do every Sunday night) and I didn’t get up this morning.  I’m still feeling really nauseated.  And I have sulfur burps (which we learned comes from eating a ton of protein).  I feel so yucky and sluggish and like I want to puke.  And bloated.  That will teach me.  Okay, no it won’t.  I’m still not satisfied.  I don’t know what I need.  I think it all boils back down to the stupid scale not showing what I wanted it to all last week.  Although it was at 184 yesterday morning.  This morning it’s at 185.  I’ll get back on track and eat well and exercise this week and see where it’s at this coming Sunday.  If it’s not down to 180, I’m going to have a FIT!  Then I’m going to eat a Big Mac.  That’s what I was REALLY craving yesterday.  A nice juicy hamburger.  I sort of punished myself Saturday because I didn’t exercise on Friday.  So Saturday, I spent 3 hours working in the yard (weedeating and mowing).  Then I came inside and cleaned.  Then I spent 85 minutes on the treadmill.  I went 5 miles.  So I basically spent 5 hours working out Saturday.  Maybe that’s why my body wanted food yesterday.  But it didn’t want food.  It wanted junk.  Although the peanuts were SO good!  But man am I sick!  I don’t know why I can’t eat in moderation!  Let’s hope my week goes better than yesterday!  It’s going to be hard to exercise this week because Ray is off work every day except Friday.  It’s hard because I stay awake later at night so I can’t wake up and exercise in the morning, and I can’t exercise at night because he doesn’t like to hear it.  Maybe I’ll have to go walking outside or something and forget about the treadmill this week.  Hm.  That’s not a bad idea!  Now if I could only get rid of these sulfur burps!  Yuck!

 

Sodium

I just looked up the nutritional information for the lasagna I ate Wednesday.  Of course I looked at the calories before I ate it.  But I didn’t look at the sodium.  Remember I wanted to attribute my lack of weight loss this week to the sodium in the lasagna, even though I was totally assuming.  I didn’t really believe it.  Well, according to the nutritional information, one serving has 32% daily recommended sodium.  I had 4 servings.  That’s 120% of my daily sodium in just dinner alone.  Yeah, I’d say that’s why the scale is standing still.  Plus I had burritos last night.  I know they’re high in sodium too.  Looks like I won’t show any numbers this week, but then next week is going to be killer when all this water retention from the sodium is gone!

And

With the knowledge that the scale hasn’t moved this week, I’m finding it difficult to be motivated.  I found myself thinking about going to Burger King for breakfast this morning.  I find myself now thinking about Chinese food for lunch.  Yum!  And I’ve been thinking about pizza or Café Rio for dinner.  Why does the scale determine my motivation so profoundly?  It’s annoying.  Even with my sane thoughts that I posted previously, I still can’t think rationally most the time.  I’m doing good though.  I didn’t go to BK for breakfast.  I’m not running out to get Chinese for lunch.  And I’m going to try not to get Café Rio for dinner.  I recognize (when I think really hard about it) that I can’t let the numbers on a scale determine if I’m going to blow my whole week.  Then the numbers on the scale would be real.  Real, and worse. 

 

Friday, April 23, 2010 (Day 90)

I thought I’d be around 180 today.  Not so.  I weighed in at 185.  You’ll remember that’s what I was last Sunday.   You’ll also remember that on Tuesday I was down to 184.  It’s Friday and I’m back up to 185.  I would feel awful about this if I had eaten treats or not exercised.  But I’ve done everything right this week.  I didn’t have a single treat out of everything I made for the office party.  The ONLY thing I’ve done “wrong” this week is that on Wednesday I went back for seconds on dinner (lasagna).  That put me at 1600 calories for the day, instead of under 1200.  That’s not nearly bad enough to keep my from losing weight and certainly not bad enough to make me gain weight.  So I’m assuming that it had a lot of sodium in it and I’m retaining water.  I also haven’t had a good bowel movement all week.  So I’m a little frustrated with the scale, but at the same time, it’s not bothering me too much.  And I should also mention that this week has been STRESSFUL!  Besides the responsibility of the office party, my washing machine went out Wednesday night.  Then we found out yesterday when they replaced the washer that our plumbing lines in the house need to be cleaned out or we will soon wake up to a sewage filled downstairs.  And the first plumbers we had give an estimate want over $1300.  I have a couple more companies coming tomorrow for estimates.  I don’t need this!  I guess the good thing is that the washer went out and we learned of this problem before we had a sewage filled house.  Thank Heaven for small (and big) favors!  I just want the scale to show my hard work.  And I’m weaning off my depression medication this week.  Great week all around!  Boo!    

 

Medication

I’m currently taking 3 medications, and have been for a few years.  First is birth control.  Fine with that.  Second is the anti-depressant Celexa.  I’ve been on 40 mg for years.  Third is a diabetes medication, Metformin.  I was planning to stop taking Metformin because I can pretty much guarantee with my diet and exercising (not to mention the weightloss) that my blood sugar and insulin levels are perfect.  But I forgot and had it refilled this last weekend.  So I guess I’ll take it another month.  I’ve been wanting to get off the Celexa for a while.  I’ve tried a couple times, but I couldn’t do it.  I think I’m at a place now that I can.  I’ve been on it and gone off before (when Cayden was a baby).  I know what I’m doing.  I know what to watch for.  I’m careful.  So the last couple days I’ve been cutting my Celexa and just taking half – 20 mg.  Heck, even if I just take 20 mg per day that would make me happy.  But my goal is to be completely off.  Why take medication if you don’t have to.  Right?  Granted, if I start cutting myself again, well, then medication isn’t all that bad in comparison.  So far so good (mentality wise).  But I feel sort of sick at my stomach all the time (really slightly).  A little agitated.  I know there is major withdrawal from anti-depressants, that’s why I’m doing half.  From here I’ll start taking half every other day.  And then finally stop altogether.  I’ll keep you informed as to how that goes.  I’m going to be taking half for about 2 weeks though.  You gotta taper really slowly with this stuff.  Then I’ll just be on birth control.  Wahoo!  That will be so awesome.  Oh, and vitamins.  J

Wednesday, April 21, 2010 (Day 88)

This has been a really long week!  Not diet-wise.  Just in general.  My office has a monthly birthday party.  I’m in charge of it for April.  Rather than go to Costco and buy a chocolate cake and a veggie tray, I decided I wanted to bring homemade treats.  I did still get the veggie tray so that those being healthy will have something to enjoy.  But I have spent all my spare time since this weekend either thinking about, shopping for, or preparing these treats.  I bought everything Saturday.  I’ve been making things as soon as possible and still have them taste good.  Too much of it couldn’t be made further in advance than last night.  The night before I did 2 batches of cupcakes.  Crumbled the cookies, etc, etc.  Basically I’m saying I haven’t gotten any sleep all week.  I’m tired.  I’m TiReD. I’m TIRED!  I stayed up late Sunday night so I couldn’t wake up and exercise Monday.  I did The Biggest Loser workout Monday night.  I stayed up so late Monday night that I couldn’t wake up Tuesday and exercise.  I was too busy cooking last night (from 7:00 p.m. when I got home to 2 a.m.) that I didn’t exercise.  That means I had to skip Tuesday.  Because I was awake until 2:00 this morning, I couldn’t wake up on time.  I did manage to wake up and get exercising by 6:30.  So I exercised for 35 minutes this morning.  I feel like I’m going to collapse from exhaustion and now I’m really hungry.  I managed to cook a buttload of treats this week (especially last night) and didn’t eat any of them.  I didn’t eat the brownies, the cupcakes, the rice krispies, the strawberry dessert, the apple dip.  ANYTHING.  I did have half a gummy worm.  But it was midnight and I was hungry and I wasn’t feeling good.  Oh, I’ll talk about that in a separate post.

Monday, April 19, 2010 (Day 86)

Weighed in yesterday at 185!  Exactly 40 pounds down!  Remember how I started walking at 3 mph and that was a little fast for me?  Then I moved up to 3.2.  Then 3.5.  I remember being really excited about walking at 3.5 and not getting too winded and my shins not hurting.  Well, this past weekend I was feeling good and moved it up to 3.8.  No shin problems at all!  My left knee was a little sore before I even started walking, so I put my little brace thing on (just the inch wide band that goes under the kneecap) and it didn’t hurt the full hour!  So I did that pace twice this weekend (for an hour each).  I didn’t eat quite the calories I should have yesterday because I had a Slim-Fast for breakfast on the way to church.  Then I got home from church at noon and fell asleep on the couch without eating lunch.  I woke up at nearly 5:00 in the evening and made dinner.  I stuck with my regular dinner calories.  I’m going to clean out my closet sometime this week.  Take all the clothes that are too big (that I was wearing last month!) to D.I.  Usually I keep my bigger clothes, but like I said last week – I am NOT going back to being fat.  As I get smaller and smaller, I’ll continue to give clothes away.  That way if I start to outgrow my smaller clothes I’ll know right away and I’ll be forced to diet and not just put on the bigger size clothes.  We all know that I hate shopping and I’d rather diet then shop for bigger clothes!  J  I’m looking forward to the next 10 pounds coming off!

Goals

So, I was just reading older posts and revisited the goals I set at the beginning of this journey.  My daily goal was to exercise for an hour most days of the week.  Check.  Have been AWESOME with my exercising!  My monthly goal was to lose 8 pounds per month.  Check.  I’ve done that and more!  The kicker is that my semi-annual goal was to lose 50 pounds by my 31^st birthday.  That’s August 6^th.  I’m 12 pounds away from that goal and I have well over 3 more months to reach it!  If I continue with the rate I’ve been going, I’ll be 10 pounds from my ULTIMATE GOAL by my 31^st birthday!!!  I’ve been on this journey for nearly 3 months.  I have over 3 months until my birthday.  I can TOTALLY be 135 by my birthday!!!  I shouldn’t make that my goal.  That’s losing too fast.  Let’s figure this out.  112 days before my birthday.  16 weeks.  52 pounds to lose.  That would mean I need to lose 3.5 – 4 pounds per week.  Sure, that’s what I’m doing anyway.  But, really I want to keep my goal at the “healthy” rate of 1-2 pounds per week.  In all honesty I’d be upset if I only lost 1 pound per week.  Even 2 pounds gets me a little down.  But that’s what they say you should lose for as a healthy rate.  Any more can hurt your body or something, and there’s more risk of putting the weight back on.  Well, I’m not putting it back on.  And I’m eating enough – it’s not like I’m going anorexic this time.  But I still hate to set that goal and then feel really disappointed if I don’t make it – when in reality, if I lose 2 pounds per week I’ll still be down 32 pounds more, so a total of 70 pounds!  That will put me at 155.  I’LL TAKE IT!!!  I’m not going to make anything my goal for now.  I’m just going to keep on keepin’ on and let my body do what it’s going to do.  I have been very successful in not hitting a plateau.  I’ve tried to vary my food and my exercise.  I amp up my exercise a couple times each week.  I let myself eat freely once a week.  I must be doing something right, because 40 pounds and 3 months in, I should have hit a plateau.  I’m not complaining.  Let’s hope I keep it up!  

 

More Compliments

I must wear baggy clothes most the time or something.  Well, I know I wear skirts with expando waists that fit me 40 pounds ago.  Maybe that’s it.  But in today’s outfit (which even the skirt is a little loose around the waist), I’ve had 5 separate people pull me aside and tell me how great I look and how much weight I’ve lost.  Of course I know I look thinner and I know I’ve lost a lot of weight.  But it’s AWESOME to have people tell me, just the same!  One woman, I’d seen her looking me up and down on a few occasions.  Finally this afternoon she said, “No offense, I don’t know what you’re doing, but you look AMAZING!”  Yeah, I take offense to that!  J  I realize I have a long way to go, but I’m getting there!  Wahoo!

 

40 Down in 3 Months

I’m very excited about this!  I’ve lost 40 pounds in 3 months.  And I fit into this cute outfit!

 

Thursday, April 15, 2010 (Day 82)

I’m down 38 pounds folks!  I’m sore as can be too.  Seriously, I can hardly walk.  I must look like I peed my pants when I walk, it is that bad – even when I try to walk normal.  Going from sitting to standing or standing to sitting is even worse!  Thank you Biggest Loser workout!  I didn’t wake up and exercise this morning, but I feel okay about it because I have a lot of television shows coming on tonight, so I’ll just hang on the treadmill while I watch them.  No biggy!  38 pounds down!!!  Holla!!!!

 

Wednesday, April 14, 2010 (Day 81)

I feel great again this morning!  I walked on the treadmill for an hour last night.  I felt I could do more (run, or walk longer), but Ray was home and he was getting annoyed trying to watch t.v. with the treadmill going.  I was planning to just sleep in and then exercise tonight ‘cause Ray’ll be at work.  But when I got in bed I decided to set my alarm early and if I felt like getting up, I would.  I did.  Not only that, but I felt like doing a hard workout.  So I put in my Biggest Loser Cardio Max.   An hour of butt kicking from Bob, Jillian, and the stupid blonde that was only on for one season.  She’s annoying.  But I love the video.  I can’t believe I did it!  It was tough though!  So I feel great.  I weighed in this morning at 188.  I’m eating my oatmeal (trying to give my body a little change from Slim-Fast this morning).  I’m taking the kids to the park this evening for a picnic dinner.  Good day, good day!

 

Popcorn!?!?!?!?!

Apparently someone cooked some microwave popcorn at work.  Extra buttery, I can smell!  Where did my motivation and resolve go?  No, I’m not running in to get some or anything like that.  But MAN it smells good!  And MAN I’d love to have some nice, buttery, greasy, popcorn. 

 

Motivated to Keep It Off

I wanted to make a special post with my feelings of today because I’m SO motivated to keep the weight off this time!  It’s cliché and every contestant on The Biggest Loser says it.  But now that I’m down to 189, I will NEVER be at 200 pounds again!  NEVER!  As often as I’ve lost weight before, I’ve never had this resolve.  I’ve never thought it necessary.  I never realized that I can put it on just as fast as I take it off.  Once I lose this weight, I’m going to continue drinking Slim-Fast.  My plan is to drink Slim-Fast like I do now, but not worry when we have a family gathering or other party.  I can eat what I want sometimes.  I can go out to lunch with friends and enjoy a good meal.  But on every day that isn’t special, it’s Slim-Fast for me.  I plan to keep a close watch and if I go up more than 5 pounds, it’s back to a strict diet again for a couple weeks until it’s off.  That way I’ll never be put in a situation where I realize I’ve let my weight get out of control.  I’m so excited that this will work for me!  And at this point I’ve lost enough that I can do things I want.  I can fit in clothes I want.  I’m not struggling with motivation anymore.  I’m not fighting myself when I want to eat something particular anymore.  I know I can have my cake and eat it too SOMETIMES and still keep on track.  During this diet I’ve let myself eat things, but I have NEVER fallen off the exercise wagon.  Except the week I was really sick at the beginning.  Otherwise I’ve exercised an hour every single day, minus about 3 or 4 days, which isn’t bad at all in 80 days!  In 10 days (that will be 3 months into my diet) I’d love to be at 180.  That will be 45 pounds lost in 3 months!  I will then be at half way.  And the second half is just icing on the cake, as far as I’m concerned!  I can wipe my butt now.  I can tie my shoes now.  I can see my feet now.  I am out of the plus size clothing now.  I’m happy where I am.  Sure, I’m going to keep going, but I’m not on the urgent pace I’ve been at.  Do I want to keep losing at the same pace?  Sure!  But I won’t beat myself up.  And at some point I’m going to be 135.  And when I am, that’s where I’ll stay!  I can’t wait!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 (Day 80)

 I feel so good today!  I didn’t wake up and exercise.  But I decided to step on the scale and see the damage that was done on Sunday.  I weighed myself yesterday at 192.  I didn’t worry about it too much because I knew I’d lose it and I knew some of it was “water” weight.  I hoped to be at 191 or 190 this morning.  I’m at 189!  So I’m where I was Sunday morning before I pigged out!  And I’m wearing a skirt and shirt that really show how thin I am.  Of course, I say “thin” based on what I was not too long ago, not thin, thin.  Although I think I look thin, thin!  I feel so good!  I also had a good bowel movement today (after I weighed) and I might even be at 187.  I hope to be at 185 by this coming Sunday’s weigh-in.  Wow, I just had to go change my numbers ont his post because I kept putting myself in the 190’s.  NO!  I AM IN THE 180’S!!!  Tonight is The Biggest Loser.  I love that show.  It’s highly motivating.  And it’s really easy to work out on the treadmill while I watch it!  So that’s my plan for tonight. 

 

Monday, April 12, 2010 (Day 79)

Today is my mom’s birthday!  I got on the scale yesterday morning and I’m down to 189!  I LOVE IT!  I am so excited about it!  The jeans I haven’t been able to wear for a LONG time are not getting loose.  I don’t have any smaller jeans – I threw them away a LONG time ago when I decided I’d never be able to wear them again.  Guess I get to go buy more in a week or two.  My Aunt Sue said yesterday at my mom’s birthday party, “Marcy, you’ve lost a lot of weight!”  I simply said, “Yep.  It’s not fun.”  I didn’t know what to say.  Then she said, “It’s noticeable.”  Awesome!  I love being to the point where everyone can tell I’m thinner.  It means I’m REALLY making a lot of progress.  Heck, I’ve made 36 pounds of progress!  I knew that we were having my mom’s party yesterday, and I knew the food we were eating for dinner and I knew I wanted it.  So I did 2 hours of Gilad.  That’s like burning 1000 calories.  I’m not exaggerating!  I didn’t feel bad about eating what I wanted AT ALL!  I had tri tip.  I had a lot of cauliflower salad.  I had noodle with cheese and ham salad.  I had green salad with nuts and craisins.  I was actually proud of eating well at dinner (minus the cauliflower salad that has a bunch of mayo in it.  And bacon.  I still felt good.  I didn’t eat a baked potato slathered in butter.  I didn’t eat any of Shirley’s rolls, slathered in butter.  But then, after games and presents and stuff, we went up for dessert.  I wasn’t planning to eat any.  But there was taco dip and chips left up there.  Yum!  So I ate more of that.  Then I sat down to talk to my uncle and there were plates of kids’ cake that they hadn’t eaten.  So I ate what was left (minus the frosting – I don’t even like frosting).  And I had strawberry shortcake.  Then I had 2 of Shirley’s rolls with butter.  J  Then when we got home I was craving more cauliflower salad – so I ate some.  Again, I feel completely fine about it.  I did good all week.  I ate like that and worse for 2 days last week and still lost a couple pounds.  And I did 2 hours of Gilad.  I woke up this morning and did an hour on my treadmill.  I’m back to my Slim-Fasts.  I’m happy that I’m not beating myself up over yesterday.  And I had an enjoyable time!

Friday, April 9, 2010 (Day 76)

This is my motivation for today.  I’ve been sort of bummed this week because I did so bad Sunday and Monday, and because I’ve been so busy and stressed.  I have a few projects that I need to get done and I don’t know how I’m going to do it.  I’ve managed to exercise every day (Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday), but I just feel like there’s so much I’m not getting done (ie, cleaning the house, getting enough sleep, etc.).  I weighed in this morning and I’m back down to 191 (where I was Sunday before Easter and Monday).  So I’m happy about that.  Maybe I can lose another pound or two before I weigh in again Sunday.  Although my mom’s birthday party is Sunday.  I plan to eat right and skip dessert.  But who knows.  I was so bummed out this morning (ie, stressed) I almost ate a pan of cinnamon rolls.  I didn’t have any though.  Sigh.  Did I mention that when I went to Crown Burger on Wednesday I DIDN’T EAT ONE???  I drank my Slim-Fast.  Proud of that, for sure!

 

Tuesday, April 6, 2010 (Day 73)

I weighed 191 Sunday morning.  That was before my Easter breakfast of sausage, bacon and eggs.  That was before the Easter candy.  That was before Easter dinner.  That was before Easter dessert.  Then came Monday.  I didn’t dare weigh myself.  Monday brought Shelly’s grandma’s funeral.  Funeral luncheon of ham, funeral potatoes, salad with regular dressing, and cake.  Monday night was a BBQ with our home teacher and his family, and Chad and Angela.  Including dessert.  Then more Easter candy just to end the day off.  I should also mention that I didn’t exercise Sunday or Monday because I spent my spare time cleaning and cooking in preparation for our BBQ.  Today has gone well except my body thinks it’s supposed to eat a ton every 2 hours now.  I have to retrain it away from that.  I stayed up too late last night and couldn’t wake up to exercise, so it’ll be the treadmill for me this evening.  I’m glad The Biggest Loser is on tonight because I REALLY need the motivation to get back on track.  However, Shelly called me this morning to see if we can meet for lunch tomorrow at Crown Burger.  If you’re not familiar with Crown Burger, let me explain.  A humongous burger piled several inches taller with pastrami.  And their fries and onion rings are to die for with their fry sauce.  How do I go there and not get that?  I read online that they have salads.  I don’t know if it would have light dressing or not.  I’m going to do my best tomorrow, but after the weekend I’ve had, I don’t know if I have the strength.  After all, as far as my brain is concerned, the week is screwed already.  I don’t know.  We’ll see.  I don’t feel thin.  I feel fat and bloated and nasty.  I know I didn’t gain 30 pounds in 3 days, but I feel like I did.  I’ll tell you one thing though – I felt SO sick Sunday night.  My body completely revolted against all the crap I put in it (and the amount) on Easter.  I really needed to throw up all night long.  But I just laid there trying my hardest to keep it all in.  I should have just let myself throw up so I would feel better, but I HATE throwing up and just couldn’t do it.  Fortunately I felt better Monday morning.  I’m worried though that I ate crap Monday and felt okay after.  I didn’t want my body getting used to eating junk!  I’m going to stay away from the kids’ Easter baskets tonight!  I will!  I will!  I will!  I hope. 

Friday, April 2, 2010 (Day 69)

I went Easter candy shopping after work last night.  I spent about 30 minutes in the Easter candy aisle at Walmart.  Dangerous for someone trying to lose weight.  The things that REALLY called to me were the peanut butter/chocolate mixes.  YUM!  And the gummies.  Love them both!  I can do without plain chocolate and without nasty peeps.  But I love Reese’s and fruit snacks/gummy bears.  I didn’t buy anything for me.  I was proud.  I hadn’t eaten anything since my Slim-Fast 6 hours prior.  I hadn’t exercised that morning, so I knew I had to get on my treadmill.  I never eat before working out.  Yuck.  When I slack in the morning I come home from work, make the kids dinner, work out on the treadmill for an hour and then make my own dinner.  Well, I made the kids pizza pockets (two slices of bread, pizza sauce, cheese, and pepperoni, put together like a sandwich and toasted in the sandwich press thing.  I was ravenous hungry.  I was going to buy beef jerky at the checkout at Walmart to hold me off until dinner but they were out on my aisle.  I ate a few pepperonis while making their pockets.  Then I decided I was starving and could have a piece of bread.  So I smeared some sauce and pepperoni on a slice of bread and ate it.  More like devoured it.  Then the kids didn’t eat all of their pockets.  Heaven forbid it should go to waste when I’m starving to death.  I’ll just have a bite, I told myself.  One bite turned into a whole sandwich.  Then another half.  I felt awful about it when I was done.  I had caved.  It’s been a while since I caved.  When I got to thinking about it, I actually didn’t go over my calories.  Not that it was healthy, but it wasn’t over my calories.  And it made exercising REALLY hard.  My stomach didn’t like me on the treadmill.  I had to really work at going my normal pace last night.  Ug.  Now I remember why I don’t eat dinner before getting on the treadmill.  And, if you’re wondering, I did NOT buy the kids peanut butter/chocolate stuff.  I knew I couldn’t bear THAT temptation this weekend!